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Delivery story 35

Pizza God writes:

I feel compelled to tell at least one of my stories in detail. I have been in the pizza business since I was 16 in 1983. I now own two stores in Carrollton, TX. I have been a driver, manager, and now an owner.

Back when I worked open to close every day, I would sometimes take orders at or after closing and deliver them on my way home. I had one customer who almost always was the last delivery of the night. It was cool, though, because they always tipped good ($5.)

One night my wife and I were closing the store and they ordered. It was really after closing, but they tipped good so I wanted the order. Plus it was four pizzas. When I got there, a girl in a half shirt answered the door. She said to come on in. Now, normally you NEVER go into a house, but I had delivered there several times and they were regular customers. I also noticed that there was a small party going on. She walked me to the "party" room and everyone asked each other who had the money. About that time someone said "Joe" had it.

At that point, several guys said, "Let's put the pizza guy in there." I knew this was not good. All these guys were huge. They pushed me and the pizzas into a dark room, the lights came on and low and behold, I saw something you only dream about -- two naked women on top of each other. (I will not go into further detail, but I will say that they were both awesome.) I got out of there as soon as I could. Everyone had their laugh and the guy that was in the room came out to pay for the pizzas. (I never saw him in there as I was to busy looking at the girls.) He ranted to the guys that this was a once in a lifetime deal. He gave me a buck and change and I got out of there. (On the way out, I noticed several overnight bags.) I only got a small tip, but I got a story of a lifetime. My wife and infant son were both in my truck the whole time. I had to try to explain to her what took so long.

I had several other things happen on a delivery, such as:

  • The guy who took a long time to answer the door in just warm ups and he had a little pencil in his pocket or I had just interrupted something.

  • The guy who answered the door 7 out of 9 nights in a row totally nude. The 7th driver made him mad and he never ordered again. (I had a 4' 2" driver working for me at the time. I sent him on the delivery telling him the guy requested him. When he got back, he was mad but laughing.)

  • The guy who answered the door in Speedo's and I noticed he was watching a porno on the TV. He asked me to come in but I refused. Then I noticed that the porno was all guys!!!

  • I have had at least two women answer the door in nighties or teadies. Unfortunately, one was 65 and the other was 300 lbs. (My wife likes that one.)

  • On prom night afternoon, I delivered to four girls sitting on the front porch. One jumped up when I pulled up and ran inside. The other three stayed there. They were only wearing a towel that I could see. They giggled the whole time. I never did find out if they were wearing anything underneath.

  • The guy I delivered to several times and he was usually drinking. That day he was passed out on the couch. I could see him from the front screen door. After yelling and banging on the door, I finally walked in. I could see a $20 bill sitting on the table and figured I would just stiff myself and leave the change. All of a sudden, he jumped up yelling something he must have been dreaming about. He jumped on the couch, hit his head on the ceiling fan, and that pissed him off even more. Then, he finally realized I was the pizza guy. He started to look for his wallet and could not find it. He became even more upset. I showed him the $20 sitting on the table and he gave it to me and I was on my way.

  • The guy who thought it would be funny to pull up his girlfriend's shirt as she was paying me for the pizza.

  • I delivered an order after closing to this guy who I had delivered to several times and I knew he had a snake. He invited me in to have a beer. It was after closing so I said what the heck. He was only wearing PJ bottoms. Then a girl came out in only the PJ tops and sat next to me. They wanted me to stick around. Well, being the happily married man that I was, I told them I had to get back to the store because they would be worried about me.

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